A PAEONIACEAE INQUISITION

Monday, June 24, 2013
 
  Someone drove over daughter Heather Noel Holtmyer’s peonies. I have been accused. Even before a legal inquisition, copying contemporary media practice, she has published supposedly evidential photographs on Facebook and internet. (Note photos or links above.)

Public responses were immediate, so far including:
               “LOL - that looks like something I would do!  At least they are done for the season....
They'll bounce back. They're hard to kill. Not that I would know. J” Cathy Joulwan
               “Oops! Are the eyes going too? ;-)” Bonnie Schreiber
               “And they are still letting you drive?” Cousin Patricia Beichler
                “You drove canoes like that back in the good old days!” Albert Heger
                “Kind'a looks like a "hit & run" to me......and then your own daughter
reports you!!!!” Verlyn & Kathie Scharn
                “Ed, you naughty boy!” Jodie McWhorter
               “I know, I saw you drive over them....I may wear my shirt inside out, but .....am not to the point where I run over flowers!!” Eldest daughter Dawn Leslie Archer
               “Maybe I shouldn't ask how this came about...maybe your cell phone rang....or you were still visiting with your daughter as you departed??
  Peony bushes reminded me of my one and only attempt to join the "well adjusted" in the world of the "flower people. "My garden gloves on, a trowel in my hand, a package of assorted flower seeds, a small spot allotted me for my venture, donated by Frank, the head of the outdoors.  The one tool I should not have had was a spade or an ax. For the sake of a long story turning into not "simplicity goal" let's say
the ax chopped woody stems in the way of my one row of promised beauty.
  Yup! It was Frank's huge, beautiful Peony bush woody roots.
  My guaranteed blooms did not even peek over one grain of dirt, while Frank's Peony bush ignored my ax blows and Peonies flourished.  They always seemed to be laughing at me, so I quit looking at them.  My mother, an avid horticulturist and digging-in-the-dirt kind of lady really thought peonies
were THE flower, and always counted on them opening in time to take to decorate family graves.  In all of my years of watching the ways of "flower people" I wondered why anyone expected peonies to open for Memorial Day decoration, because I'm 81 next month and I've never seen them open in time. It seems like peonies have a mind of their own and they choose not to be ornaments for graves or to die by the whack of an ax.  I enjoy Frank's "huge" blooms, as he brings the best of his flower/rose garden blooms inside for me, and they are rarely in time for anything.  Silk flowers last longer, and are less expensive.  I will bet there are even fake peony bushes to go with fake grass. Doubt if Heather would appreciate this suggestion.
  I'm sure you feel bad about....stuff happens.” Darlene Neuvirth
                Also 5 Facebookers clicked “Like” under the peony photos, so I assume they, though not actual onsite witnessing, enjoy people driving over flowers.
 
  Since it has begun as a media trial, I’ve decided to respond early in the sunshine rather than risk Camera Stellata (Star Chamber).

  I don’t feel bad about the crushing kerfuffle. I cannot . . . as categorically I have no knowledge of it! Also, as I have been to Michael’s other birthday parties and Easter Egg Hunts, at no time did I ever notice any peony bushes anywhere on the property. And so far as grandson Edwin Bennett Bullock 6th shouting “Stop! STOP!!” . . . I nor passengers daughter Renee’ Christine Sullivan or grandson Ian Emerick Sullivan, with their acute hearing, heard not any such utterance.

  However, I have decided to settle the matter by thoroughly investigating myself.

  Reviewing all of the above I see I’ve as always two choices. Emulate men and women in positions of authority today . . . or ____________.  EBB4