REVISITING XANAX

REVISITING “XANAXIA IS NOT MY GODDESS, Wednesday, February 06, 2013”

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

  Yesterday was my one-year neck rebuild surgery checkup. Before seeing the surgeon I was to have an MRI, and required to take Xanax prior to. I took one pill as leaving driveway with daughter as chauffer/minder, took second pill as entering MRI facility. Found out no MRI, xrays instead. All went well with my getting released to rototill and other such activities prohibited for the last year. J After lunch I decided to go to Post Office then grocery shopping, but was red flagged by someone that loves me. Though I was sure I was OK, I decided to take their advice. Good thing I did as I kept nodding off unexpectedly and having “Did I run that stop light?” lost moments. I finally gave up, went to bed earlier than usual, and awoke with startling jolt at 5am. After reading a bit I was struck with the idea to revisit an old DT on file. It was edifying. I pray it is so with you. EBB4

  “Awoke to phone ringing in fog somewhere. Arose with body clumsily following direction. Phone ceased ringing, but immediately started again. Finding the instrument I heard grandson “Its 7:35 how are you his morning Popop?” With bale of cotton in mouth I told him I was fine and have a good day at school.

  Recradling the phone my powerful impulse was do nothing except go back to bed for a month at least. My plumbing overruled the compulsion. Standing before the throne I without enthusiasm thought “Should take prescription morning meds.”

  Phone rang again and yesterday’s driver, a daughter, humorously recounted a few items from previous day after- Xanax events. Something about slurred words, wobbling, 4 different family branches taking turns as watchers in evening.

  Then I remembered awakening on the couch to the urgent call of the porcelain in the middle of the night very much wondering if dishwasher had been emptied, Foreman cleaned, trash taken out, front door locked. Plus, I had just turned on NCIS so why were my glasses off! Upon inspection all chores done plus or some reason basement stairway door closed.

  7:45am, after Keurig provided cup of Starbucks French Roast Dark fog lifted a bit and I remembered more of the night. Stumbling to the farthest bathroom (Why the most distant?) I bumped walls hard enough to awaken sleeping PC monitor in adjacent room. The glowing drew me in. I answered questions from friends but now don’t remember question and wonder if I made sense in replying.

  So how did my class with benzodiazepine come about? And why did I fail Xanaxia’s examination when so many others consider her beautiful and desirable?

  Wanting to catch up on a number of items that had been let ago during years Ann was ill I last year decided to have doctors look at my hands and left shoulder. MRIs are in order said shoulder doctor, inquiring “Any problem?” Why should there be? I’ve had MRIs and worked in tight places where had to be pulled out by ankles. Aha but I had not counted on loving memories and grief.

  In examining and studying her physically destructive Mantel Cell Lymphoma, my wife had numerous MRIs and CATS. I was her companion at each, chemo sessions (several near-death), etc.

  As into the pipe I rolled last year I was suddenly totally surrounded by memories of my dear Ann and sorrow overwhelmed me. Out of the pipe I came and off to an open-MRI facility I was sent.

  Without retelling interim weeks of medical travelogue, yesterday I arrived at spinal surgeon. He ordered immediate “in the tube” MRI as open MRI is not accurate enough for spinal surgery said he. I didn’t think it would be problem this time but really wanted physical repair so I agreed to Xanax.

  Any of you that know me know that I believe God views everything spiritually. With Him there is no secular. And so it should be with His children.

  So can I this morning summarize with a neat little spiritual conclusion derived from this (March 2013) experience? At the moment other than general application “Still trusting Him.” “It’s continuing life training.” I cannot.

  But then maybe when the fog clears a bit more the scene beyond Pharmakeia will become clear . . . for I know our receptive work in progress is “’No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those who love him.’" God has revealed those things to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches everything, especially the deep things of God.” (1Cor.2:9-10)  EBB4”